Going Through It

INTRO:

ANN FRIEDMAN: When the car pulled up in front of the school, and you looked out the window, what did you see?

AUDRI SCOTT WILLIAMS: I just remember seeing the mothers holding the signs and shouting at us as we came into the school grounds. I think I was perplexed. I was afraid. I remember just holding onto the hands of my parents, being very comforted that they were there. I think even my grandfather was with us. And at some point between exiting the car passing the parents and maybe just before entering that door, it was like something just came up my spine. And I stood straight, and I knew I was doing something really important. I didn't understand it, but I knew I was doing something important.

FRIEDMAN: I'm wondering about how this experience feeds into or relates to your 2018 campaign.

WILLIAMS: Oh I think it was the foundation. Opening that door and going through the door set the tone for the rest of my life, going through doors that typically were not available.

FRIEDMAN: It’s June of 2018. The day of the primary election. We are in the state of Alabama where something unprecedented has happened. There are 70 black women making a run for office, and Audri Scott Williams is one of them. Audri put in a bid to run for Congress in District 2, which is the historically-conservative where Roy Moore comes from. It’s a place where you wouldn’t expect a woman like Audri to run for office. But there she was—running, even though she was a long shot.

I’m Ann Friedman and this is Going Through It, a show about how hard it can be to figure out when to quit and when to keep going.

On this episode: How do you stay focused when you know you won’t see the results of your activism in your lifetime?

CLIP OF SPEECH FROM SEPTEMBER 24, 1957: Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, The President of the United States. President Dwight D. Eisenhower: The Supreme Court of the United States has decided that separate public educational facilities are inherently unequal… Many communities in our Southern states have instituted public school plans for gradual progress in the enrollment and attendance of school children of all races.

WILLIAMS: I was entering the fifth grade. My brother Owen and another young man, we were the first three African American students to integrate at Ramsey Street Elementary in Fayetteville, North Carolina. It was the first time I’d had an experience of mothers being violently opposed to anything, especially children.

I remember being very fearful of the signs that were not very nice. I mean you know signs that didn't want black children in the school. But they didn't say “black children,” it was “n-----s.” And just the anger in the faces. And I think it was the moment we got to the door that something in my world had changed, and it would never be the same.

What was really heartbreaking, I had always been one of the smartest kids in the class. And coming into that experience I was often overlooked because there was not an expectation that I would be smart enough to be equal to the white students in the class.

FRIEDMAN: Are there words or phrases or maybe things your parents said to you around that period of time that have stayed with you?

WILLIAMS: We were always coached in terms of how to be when you are outside of the safety of the African American community there in the South. And I remember my grandfather was a very prideful man. I remember that he would always say, “Don't you ever not look a white person in the eye.” Believe it or not that was a very defiant act in the South and could even get you killed or lynched. And I think throughout my experience that first year I had to constantly remind myself to not look down. To look—whether it was a teacher or administrator or a student—to look everyone in the eye.

It was my way of creating that equality in our relationship. Making sure I was being recognized as a person.

FRIEDMAN: Yeah, like even if they weren’t seeing you, you could see them.

WILLIAMS: Exactly. Exactly.

That moment was when I had to stand up for me. Even at nine years old coming face to face with at least an aspect of my identity that a nine year old girl can. Not just for myself but all the kids that were going to follow behind me the next year. If I couldn't handle walking through that door, how was I going to be an example of what was to come?

The idea of a black woman running in District 2—and I must qualify that, that’s District 2 of Alabama—for me to take on that challenge was an anomaly. It hadn’t happened before.

NEWS CLIP: One hundred women, and 35 of them being African American, have launched campaigns or re-election efforts in Alabama, more than ever before. Born in Cottonwood, Alabama Audri Scott Williams is running for Congress in Alabama’s 2nd district.

FRIEDMAN: For someone who has never been to District 2 in Alabama, like yours truly, how would you describe what District 2 is like?

WILLIAMS: Alabama District 2 geographically is one of the larger districts. This is where Roy Moore comes out of this district.

CLIP OF ROY MOORE: All persons have the right to marry a person of the opposite sex according to the Constitution of Alabama Sanctity of Marriage Amendment, and that’s just the way it is...

And Roy Moore actually reflects the consciousness of many of the people in District 2. It’s a very strong, conservative, Evangelical, Christian foundation, I guess you could say. And so diversity isn't something that is at the top of the list.

A lot of conservative concepts around faith, around gender roles, around racial identity, a lot of isolation along racial lines... black issues are black issues and white issues are white issues. And seldom do they come together.

FRIEDMAN: So you decided to take that first step and try to get on the ballot as a Democrat for the 2018 midterms. How did the idea first get planted in your head?

WILLIAMS: The first hint that that was possibly something that might happen was a friend of mine who had run for office before, said, “You know you need to run for office. Why don't you run for office? Have you ever considered?” And she did that on several occasions. I've been on the front lines for equal justice, for social justice issues. And I always say my whole life I've been walking in search of the beloved community. So when she kept saying that I think she hit a part of my consciousness.

FRIEDMAN: Spoke to that nine-year-old you, maybe.

WILLIAMS: Yeah yeah. That lightbulb went off. So when at first I was laughing at her. Again, I'm not a politician! Not in that context.

Then all of a sudden I start having a dream about doing this. I remember each night waking up and someone was calling me a candidate for Congress. A candidate for office in the state of Alabama.

FRIEDMAN: Wow.

WILLIAMS: Yeah. And I said to my partner Karen I said, “Karen I've had three dreams about running for Congress, running for office. Is this something? And what do you think?”

And she says, “Well, follow your heart. Listen and see what's being called up.’

You know, if you're chased by your dreams, sooner or later you say yes. That’s been my experience. [laughs]

FRIEDMAN: So when did you say yes to that dream?

WILLIAMS: I showed up at a Democratic Party meeting in Ozark, Alabama. And Jennifer, the person who was who asked me to run before, was there and she said, “OK are you ready to announce?” And I looked at her, and I said, “I guess so!” [laughs]

FRIEDMAN: So that was a spur of the moment decision? You hadn’t walked in knowing that’s what you were gonna do?

WILLIAMS: Once the words came out of my mouth, I realized, I just said I'm doing this to a whole bunch of people. And I guess this makes it official now, what does this really mean? [laughs]

FRIEDMAN: So it was really as the words were leaving your mouth, that realized you've changed your mind and you were definitely going to do it?

WILLIAMS: Exactly. It’s just like that little girl putting her hand on the door getting ready go into the building. In that moment, you just have this sense of, straighten up the spine, you're going to make this announcement. There's something in you that connects with why this is so important. And I think I just spoke from that space and did it with as much power and eye contact as I could.

CLIP OF WILLIAMS: I declare this candidacy with the understanding that we are the change. Are you with me? [audience replies ‘yes’] Then let me hear you! We are the change! We are the change! We are the change! [chanting and applause]

So at the moment that I made that decision to enter the race, there was no turning back. Even though people were saying a black woman will never be seriously considered in this race, a black lesbian woman has no chance...

FRIEDMAN: People say that to your face, directly?

WILLIAMS: Oh yeah.

FRIEDMAN: So you announced in April 2017. The primary is in June of 2018. That’s like a little over a year, which is not a ton of time, at least I don’t think it sounds like a ton of time. Where did you begin?

WILLIAMS: The first thing I did was got every bit of material I could find and read. I read materials from online. I read qualifications. I just read everything I could. I had to think about money how is this going to be financed? I had about a little bit of money to get started but not very much. Going from county to county, meeting in every church and every school. Any place that somebody would have us, and being present.

FRIEDMAN: Were you optimistic throughout that process? Were there times when you doubted what you were doing?

WILLIAMS: I must say that there were times throughout the campaign when my soul would question if this was the right thing for me to do.

FRIEDMAN: What do you mean by that? What kinds of questions were you asking?

WILLIAMS: I'll tell you this Ann, throughout the process, I would say at least six to seven months, I kept trying to figure out how do I take all of me and make me a politician? How do I think as you know as a politician? How do I be that? And I never quite felt I was measuring up. I said, “You know what I'm doing wrong? I'm trying to be something I'm not. I have to just be me. Do me.”

The people started coming out even stronger because we were speaking words to issues and concerns that nobody else was addressing.

CLIP OF WILLIAMS SPEECH: Real change, true change is always going to come from the union worker in a right-to-work state, that doesn't see the law as something that challenges their right to a livable wage, fair benefits, and workplace protections. Change is always going to come from the nurses and home care providers who know that their patients are more important than the cost of taking care of them...

FRIEDMAN: I'm wondering if there is a moment from your campaign that that sticks out where you're surrounded by this incredible community that you'd created and you were really feeling that love and feeling the possibility of what you were all building. Was there a night, or a time?

WILLIAMS: If could go back to the few days before the election. A person who was my mentor and who passed her torch to me was Amelia Boynton Robinson, who was one of the organizers of Bloody Sunday on the Edmund Pettus Bridge in Selma. And she passed at 104 just a few years ago. But we had a chance to spend a lot of time together and… I’m just getting overwhelmed for a minute.

The day before the election, I said, “OK the first thing we have to do is go walk across the Edmund Pettus Bridge,” to pay homage to those who put themselves on the line to make this world a better place, to make Alabama a better place for voting rights. Voting rights, how symbolic, right? So we did a sunrise walk across the bridge and we got to the middle of the bridge. My partner Karen starts singing some of the songs from that time.

CLIP OF AUDRI, KAREN & OTHERS SINGING A VERSION OF “AIN'T GONNA LET NOBODY TURN ME AROUND”: Ain’t gonna let nobody turn us around Turn us around, turn us around We ain’t gonna let nobody turn us around We gonna keep on a-walkin’ Keep on a-talkin’ We’re going to build a brand new world.

WILLIAMS: It was just an incredible moment.

NEWS CLIP: Announcer 1: ...Alabama’s District 2 Congressional race and the Republican side, but who they’re facing is being decided tonight. Announcer 2: Right, it’s Tabitha Isner versus Audri Scott Williams in that District 2 race…

FRIEDMAN: On the day of the primary did you wake up and just like, run to the polling place to go vote, first thing?

WILLIAMS: I was there at 7:00 when the doors opened and so the team was there. They stood outside and cheered us on. It was surreal signing my own name. You know putting in a box by my name as a candidate. Oh wow, it didn’t hit me ‘til that moment!

FRIEDMAN: What what did that feel like?

WILLIAMS: Mmm. [pause] Wow. I don't have words. You know we've been months and months and months out here, over a year campaigning and then here it comes down to filling in this little box. How many in little bubbles got got shaded by my name between 7:00 in the morning and 7:00 o'clock that night, and what would be the outcome?

FRIEDMAN: Tell me where you were and who you were with when the election results started coming in.

WILLIAMS: That day we’d been all over. We got back at 7 o’clock that night, into Dothan, to a restaurant called Willie’s Place, has really great Puerto Rican food.

The volunteers, by the time we got there, had decorated the place. The owner of the restaurant did his own special touch to everything. You had TV brought in because they didn't have cable.

You know what you’re up against all along. Then you start to think, you know, we might just be crazy enough to pull this off and then...

NEWS CLIP: The results are in... Tabitha Isner walks away with 60% of the vote.

WILLIAMS: It doesn't happen.

I remember Karen coming up to me, and she would keep coming back. “Are you OK? Are you OK?” I said “Karen please don't ask me that one more time. I don't even want to try to answer that question right.” [laughs] Because it just like boom... you know.

FRIEDMAN: Were you prepared to get you know a result you didn't want from the actual election?

WILLIAMS: It wasn't that I didn't want to win. My ego was all up in it. I wanted to win because I felt like I was the best candidate and I could could do this. There was no question about that. The bigger question was stepping outside of that.

A friend of mine had me on his radio show and when he was announcing I was on the show he was saying, “She ran for Congress and got 40% of the vote. The first African American woman to run in District 2 got 40% of the vote. She made history.” And I had to really think about that.

It gave me a perspective, a way of looking at what happened so that that ego part of me that was really vested in winning could say, “Well, I guess we did win in a way.”

This journey to make a difference in Alabama is gonna go beyond two years in Congress. Because you're talking about the change that is coming from the hearts of the people and that takes time and it takes energy to cultivate. So that you’re not just in it for the moment but you're in it for the long haul.

FRIEDMAN: I can certainly hear Amelia’s mentorship coming through in that sentiment.

WILLIAMS: She told me one time she said, “Audri, you may never be acknowledged for the work that you're doing in your lifetime. But you gotta keep on doing it. You've gotta keep on planting those seeds because they will grow, at the right time. But that's not your concern. You've got to keep doing the work.”

OUTRO:

FRIEDMAN: Audri Scott Williams still lives in Alabama’s District 2. And even though she hasn’t announced whether or not she will run again, it seems like something she’s contemplating for 2020. Either way, it’s clear that something will grow out of her last campaign.

CREDITS:

FRIEDMAN: Going Through It is an original series from MailChimp, and I’m your host, Ann Friedman. I’m guided like an eager Girl Scout through the wilderness by producers Eleanor Kagan, Megan Tan, Gabrielle Lewis, and Claire Tighe. This episode was edited by Joel Lovell. It was scored and mixed by Hannis Brown. Thanks to the extremely bro-ficient Max Linsky, and everyone at Pineapple Street Media.

TEASER:

FRIEDMAN: On the next episode: What happens when you create a supporting, nurturing community, and then it turns against you?

KATHLEEN HANNA: I ran to this girl, this punk girl from the scene, and right to my face she said, “You're a stuck up bitch. How dare you.” The only way I could please them was if I went away.

FRIEDMAN: In her early 20s, Kathleen Hanna, the lead singer of the band Bikini Kill, was going through it